The Missing Piece of The Puzzle

Happy Friday! I wanted to thank all of you for all your sweet and wonderful comments about my new diet! You are all so supportive! It is amazing what a wonderful network of friends I have made since beginning my blog. You are truly a blessing!

After I wrote the post about my new diet, I realized that my readers are missing a big piece of the puzzle. I thought I would take this time to share my story with you. My weight has always been an issue. I was a fat kid and a chubby teenager. I have always had a bubbly and outgoing personality, but I have always been self conscious about my body.

There was a short time I slimmed down in high school and in college, but I began to rapidly gain weight as a graduate student. I went from wearing a size 12 (which is actually a very appropriate size for me) to only being able to shop in plus size shops.

Now, I must say that I do not equate beauty or self worth with the number on the scale or the size of clothes. As I have grown older, I have embraced my womanly, curvy figure. I will never be a size six and I am more than okay with that. Beautiful women come in every shape, size, and color.

At the point in my life where I was a true plus size, I was not comfortable with myself. I didn't want to see old friends for fear that they would mention my weight gain. I didn't want people to take pictures of me and I did not want to see pictures of myself. I could look at women who were the same size as me and think how beautiful they were, but at the time I could not see myself as beautiful.

I lost weight when I finished graduate school by following Weight Watchers and going to Curves. I wasn't high school thin, but I was happy with what I saw in the mirror. I began to become unhappy with myself again when Michael and I became engaged.

A girl from Michael's past was very unhappy that we were engaged. She often called me and told me what a fat witch (she didn't use the word witch) I was. She would ask Michael if I was pregnant because she thought that would be the only reason why he was marrying me. Your engagement is supposed to be such a happy time, but for me it was torture. I constantly worried that I would not be a beautiful bride. I worried that I would look fat in my wedding dress, and I worried that people would make fun of me. I slipped into a frame of mind that I had not been in since middle school.

My Mom and Dad tired of seeing my tears and my struggle purchased the Nutri System plan for me. I lost 20 pounds, and I was the smallest I had been since high school. After the wedding, I came off of Nutri System. It is rather expensive and I just could not stand to eat any more of those meals. I gained the 20 pounds back almost immediately.

I began following Weight Watchers and working out with a personal trainer. The weight did not come off. I was diagnosed with a slow thyroid and began taking medicine to regulate it. The weight did not come off. In fact, my weight began to rise.

About a month ago, I realized that I was avoiding pictures again. I was also avoiding seeing old friends. I knew I needed to do something about it. That is when I began my new diet.

When I post pictures, what you see are pictures from my past or very good/flattering current pictures. I never put up an unflattering picture of myself on here or on facebook. Maybe that is vain of me, but my motto is if I can control the content then the content is going to look good! :)

I say all this so you will know that I'm not a size 12 trying to be a size 6. I have more to lose than what appears in the pictures I show. I struggle with my weight and honestly I know it is a battle that I will always have to fight.

I also want to extend a plea to you. No matter what size you are, please do not be like the girl in the story from Michael's past. Over weight or not, every woman is beautiful, every woman has struggles, and no woman deserves to be ridiculed because of her weight or her looks.

Also, please learn from my mistakes. Every woman has insecurities. Don't let your insecurities rule your life and don't ever let yourself believe that you are not beautiful!

P.S.-Those who were wondering about the protein bars, I posted a note on the post explaining my new diet.