Story 1-Magical Butts:
I have been working at my current job almost a year. It is truly my dream job! I enjoy the work I do, and I enjoy my coworkers. Wondering what I do? I am basically in public relations although my coworker, Heather, gave me a new job title this morning. We were joking around with our boss, and she said, "but I thought Jennifer's job title was social butterfly". I love it! I thought this was hilarious, and I love my new job title. I wonder if they will change the sign on my door. Oh, and I need new business cards printed! :)
On to my story-When I first began working at my current job, I was issued a key card. The key card gives me access to any of the buildings and gates that I need to enter. All I have to do is put my little card up against the key pad and like magic I am in! A few weeks into working, I noticed that when some men entered the office, they would turn around and put their butt up against the key pad. What? Why are they rubbing their butt on the key pad? What was even more amazing was that their butt always opened the office door for them! Now, I am a pretty smart cookie, so it didn't take me long to realize that their key card was in their wallet and their wallet was in their back pocket. No magic butts here, but I do giggle every time I think about what it must look like to our customers. Our customers probably don't realize we have key card entry, so I am sure they must wonder what the heck is going on when they see someone unlock the door with their butt.
Story 2-Smelly Cokes:
Heather, my coworker and trusty side kick, and I went to lunch at a quaint little cafe one day. I ordered a yummy sandwich and a diet coke. This cafe is very quaint, so all of their beverages come in plastic bottles. They also give you a cup with ice. I happily ate my BLT and sipped my diet coke from the glass. When it was time to go, I took the remaining diet coke in the bottle with me. I went to take a sip from the bottle, and I smelled a terrible smell. Something smelled like body odor. Oh my gosh, did I forget deodorant? I didn't realize that my body could smell so foul! After a quick and discreet arm pit sniff, I realized it wasn't me. What was it? Like a human hound dog, I started sniffing around. The smell was coming from-MY DIET COKE! Ahhhh! The cap to my diet coke smelled like body odor. It was the most disgusting thing ever, so I of course shoved it in Heather's face so she could smell, and I took it back to work for everyone else to smell. We came to the conclusion that some plastics do have an odor, and that it must be the plastic that Coke is using. After all, this was not the first time I got a body odor coke. It was about the third time. I had dismissed the other two smelly cokes thinking it must have been the sketchy convenience store I purchased them from that caused the smell.
I take my Coke drinking very seriously, so after the third smelly Coke I knew I must do something. What do I do? I call The Coca-Cola Company. Upon calling, I was greeted by a very nice lady who introduced herself and asked the reason for my call. This is how the call went.
Me: I promise this isn't a prank call, but my diet coke smells like body odor?
Lady: Really! I am so sorry for the unsatisfactory product.
Me: It's okay. I just want to make The Coca-Cola Company aware of the issue. This is the third body odor coke that I have purchased.
-The lady takes down some information about the product, where it was purchased, and so on-
Lady: Thank you so much for your call. I have written a work order and they will be checking the problem. Can you please keep the bottle?
Me: I guess so. (Gross-I have to keep the body odor coke bottle.)
Lady: You will receive a letter from the company in about 10 days. Upon receiving the letter, you may throw away the bottle. We are also sending you a coupon for a free 8 pack.
Me: Thank you, but I didn't call to get something free. My only request is that my coke doesn't smell like arm pits any more.
That was about it for the conversation. I received my letter and my coupon, and I was able to throw out the repulsive coke that I was stashing away in my file drawer at work. The best news of all is that I have not come in contact with another smelly coke! I have truly made a difference in this world!
Story 3-Dead Animals:
Michael, my wonderful and loving husband, and I are about to take off on a vacation! Yea! My body has been aching to go on vacation (although it never aches to put on a bathing suit). In fact, now that I think about it. I might just be allergic to bathing suits. Every time I put one of those darn things on, I get all puffy and my skin gets very pale. I also get these dents on my butt and the back of my thighs. It's really odd! None of that is there when I have on normal clothes. It must be the bathing suit! Definitely allergic!
Back to my story: Daydreaming about my upcoming vacation made me remember a car game that Michael and I play when we go on trips. It's called the road kill game. Basically, you ride down the road and try to correctly identify road kill. If you are the first to shout out the correct name of the road kill you get points. For example, we are riding down the road and I see a squished possum. If I am the first to scream,"POSSUM!", I get the points. The point values are based on how rare the road kill is. A possum, squirrel, bunny, deer, anything of that nature is just two points. A chicken is three points just because it is funny. (Wondering why it is funny? It is funny to me because of the whole why did the chicken cross the road joke.) Something a little more on the rare side-like a beaver or an emu will earn you five points. If you see something extremely rare like a road kill giraffe or lion, you automatically win the game!
This is probably not a good game for kids unless they are teenagers. Teenagers love all things gross and morbid. It is a pretty fun game for adults. I am actually really good at this game. I spotted a road kill beaver once! Five points for me! I know this is a little unusual, but God only knows what trouble I can get into when I am bored in the car. Here's to hoping for some great road kill on our upcoming nine hour drive! By the way, I feel inclined at this point to remind you that I promise I am not a red neck.